I decided to add my testimony to my web site because I feel like it the most important thing in my life. Several years ago, I went through what may be called a “crisis of faith”. I had been raised in a Christian family, but after years of spending all my energy and focus on myself, my career, and my advancement, I grew away from God. Because I no longer had Him as a priority in my life, and instead became more distracted by and obsessed with myself, I no longer felt that He even existed. I became essentially an atheist and was full of pride. I based my new belief system on “science”, being a physician, and yet continued for years playing the superficial role of a moralistic church go-er.
 
I became depressed living this lie. I looked like a believer but in truth, wouldn’t have known God if I’d bumped into him in the street. I only claimed to believe a Bible I’d never read. I didn’t even know where the Bible had come from, or why I should put any trust in it. I had a religion, but no relationship. I had nothing to base my beliefs on but what I had been told was true as a child. I had just accepted it by blind faith, and this no longer held water. I could not put my heart into something that my mind could not accept.
 
I had accomplished everything I wanted. I was a doctor, wife, mother, and a talented artist who succeeded in all I did. It wasn’t enough. Without God, nothing was meaningful, all just chasing the wind. I realized that no matter what I did, no matter how wonderful it was, it had no eternal meaning without God. Even the art I created was temporary at best. Someday it would be faded and old. The feelings it evoked would be temporary. I realized that even “the masters” works will eventually fade, though it outlasted them and made them seem immortal. The lives I saved as a doctor would eventually be lost. Even the children I raised would die, and whatever wonderful things they accomplished would eventually all be meaningless also in the scope of history. Just as I do not remember of know anything about my great-grandparents, so would it be for me. I looked at my little meaningless life from the point of eternity and found it worthless, as a mist in the wind.
 
I wanted so much to believe in God, but still could not. I knew that just because I wanted it to be true, this did not make it true. I also thought that perhaps God was just that…wishful thinking. A way for people to cope with their meaningless lives, and somehow give their existence a purpose. I also couldn’t at that time believe in, let alone love a God who I considered cruel. How else could I explain all the suffering and death I was surrounded by. Why did children die of cancer while criminals and abusers thrived? How could God create people just to send them to hell? Why did some starve if God said he provided? These and other questions haunted and confused me to the point of despair. I knew I needed to figure this question, the ONLY question out: WAS GOD FOR REAL and WAS JESUS HIS SON AND TRULY THE ONLY WAY?
 
I decided that this quote I heard once said it all: “if God was real, nothing else mattered. If he wasn’t real then nothing mattered.” I spent time researching…researching…researching. I read books like More than a Carpenter by Josh McDowell, The case for Faith, by Lee Strobel, the Bible, and other literature and discovered that there was real evidence that backed up the validity of the bible, and solidifies that Jesus is who he said he was…The son on God, and that he did indeed die for my sins and was resurrected. God also answered or gave me peace about all my questions. I now understand so much more about His love and plan. My darkness has finally turned to light and I don’t just hope…I KNOW. This is not a blind faith, but a faith based on evidence and truth.
 
After I believed again, my hope returned. But still this wasn’t enough. I no longer had a relationship or knew God. I started dedicating time to reading the bible, praying, and going to church. It took some time for me to get straitened out, but He was waiting for me with open arms, eager to be my friend. I am not one of the “radial transformation” stories that happened overnight, and God is still not finished with me. But, now I have the assurance and relationship that means everything and I want to share it with others. I want to let everyone know how Jesus has changed my heart and I only pray that whoever reads this, if they have not already found this priceless free gift, that they will. Contact me, a pastor, or read the bible and discover this wonderful truth for yourself. If you have questions or doubts, get them settled. Even John the Baptist and the disciples doubted and as always, Jesus responded in love and was bigger than any of their questions. God loves you and only wants to be with you. That is why you are here, and that is why you and your life is meaningful. If you are a Christian then I encourage you to share your testimony and pass mine along as well. This is why we are left here on earth, afterall. Let us not forget.